I don't have the answers. Because I am not always positive and strong. I'm no longer the person I used to be. I'm not. But I choose to believe that I am a better person now. I don't have a better life, but I think that when I recover, I will be a much better version of myself. I now know how to appreciate the small things I used to take for granted. Like taking a walk. Like taking a shower on your own. Like eating meals with your family. Like staying up all day without taking naps. This is all things I just to take for granted. I mean, don't you? But now, being able to do those things doesn't happen every day, or even every week. Considering I am grateful for those things, imagine when I'll be able to stay on school an entire week, when I'll be able to go for a run, when I'll be able to spend more than an hour at a time with friends. Please appreciate what you have, before it turns into what you had.
My psychologist says that I am in no way depressed, but that I react in a way she could not describe by anything else than that I was in grieving. That I grieve for everything I've lost. I grieve for the life I used to have, that are now history. I used to work out everyday. I come from a very athletic family, where we do a lot of things together, most of it activities, like hiking, skiing, running, biking, anything fun and athletic really. That's been a challenge for us. I can't do those things anymore, and my family can't stop being athletic just because I can't join them. I want them to be able to do what they love, even though I am lying in bed at home.
Even though it is tough now, it will be better, I will get better. Someday, I won't only get my life back, I will get a even better life.